[WARNING: This song contains antiquated racial stereotypes. It is presented here for historical and educational purposes only.]
From The Mikado, 1886.
words by W. S. Gilbert
music by Sir Arthur Sullivan
The “nigger serenader” at the beginning of verse two refers to the minstrel show. Opera people might look down their noses at the banjo and bones.
The sheet music:
Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:
Lyrics
1. As some day it may happen that a victim must be found
I’ve got a little list – I’ve got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground
And who never would be missed – who never would be missed!
There’s the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs
All children who are up in dates, and floor you with ’em flat
All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that
And all third persons who on spoiling tête-à-têtes insist
They’d none of ’em be missed – they’d none of ’em be missed!
Chorus
He’s got ’em on the list – he’s got ’em on the list
And they’ll none of ’em be missed – they’ll none of ’em be missed
2. There’s the nigger serenader, and the others of his race
And the piano-organist – I’ve got him on the list!
And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face
They never would be missed – they never would be missed!
Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone
All centuries but this, and every country but his own
And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy
And who “doesn’t think she dances, but would rather like to try”
And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist
I don’t think she’d be missed – I’m sure she’d not he missed!
Chorus
He’s got her on the list – he’s got her on the list
And I don’t think she’ll be missed – I’m sure she’ll not be missed!
3. And that Nisi Prius nuisance, who just now is rather rife
The Judicial humorist – I’ve got him on the list!
All funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of private life
They’d none of ’em be missed – they’d none of ’em be missed
And apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind
Such as – What d’ye call him – Thing’em-bob, and likewise – Never-mind
And ‘St- ‘st- ‘st- and What’s-his-name, and also You-know-who
The task of filling up the blanks I’d rather leave to you
But it really doesn’t matter whom you put upon the list
For they’d none of ’em be missed – they’d none of ’em be missed!
Chorus
You may put ’em on the list – you may put ’em on the list
And they’ll none of ’em be missed – they’ll none of ’em be missed!
Sung here by Fred Feild: