A popular song from 1901.
Words by Arthur Gillespie.
Music by Billee Taylor.
The sheet music:
Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:
Lyrics
- An Oskaloosa country Rube
Thought he would have some fun
And visit gay Chicago town
To do or to be done
He telegraphed some friends
That he’d arrive in town one day
And then he packed his satchel up
And chased himself away
They met him at the depot
When the train pulled in at nine
The first thing that they gave him
Was a haircut and a shine
And when he saw
The elevated cars up overhead
His friends became uneasy
And into his ear they said
Chorus
You’re not in Oskaloosa now
Forget about the western home
Take off that red cravat
Please remember where you’re at
As leisurely the city’s streets you roam
Don’t bow to every man you meet
Don’t rubber when you’re on the street
We haven’t started yet
Take a tip and don’t forget
You’re not in Oskaloosa now
- They took him to a Restaurant
He grabbed the bill of fare
He couldn’t read the French menu
So he began to stare
He said, “Bring me a pumpkin pie
Also a glass of milk
B’gosh I’m going to blow myself
I’m feeling fine as silk”
They all became excited
When they saw him use his knife
Because they were afraid
That he was going to take his life
The finger bowls were brought
He asked, “Who ordered lemonade?”
‘Twas then they took him out in front
And once again they said
Chorus
You’re not in Oskaloosa now
We told you once or twice before
If you make another break
We’ll all give you the shake
So, “cut it out”
Or else you’ll make us sore
You’re making monkeys of the bunch
We wish that you had brought your lunch
The limit’s up to you
So be careful what you do
You’re not in Oskaloosa now
- They thought they’d try and lose him
When his appetite returned
They knew he wouldn’t profit
By the lessons he had learned
He saw a sign which read
“We serve a lunch from twelve to two”
So he sat down and said
That he would stay the limit through
He ordered wine, then asked the brand
The waiter whispered, “Mumm”
He said, “You bet! because
I don’t want them to know at hum”
He put his napkin in his vest
Forgot to take it out
And as he started for the street
He heard the cashier shout
Chorus
You’re not in Oskaloosa now
I hope that you have had your fill
A quarter’s not enough
You can’t ring in a bluff
You’ll be daffy when you see your bill
You’ve ate up all that’s in the shop
I thought that you would never stop
A “lunch from twelve to two”
Doesn’t mean it’s all for you
You’re not in Oskaloosa now
- That evening at a burlesque show
They tried to hide away
They didn’t think in such a place
His “Rubens” would get gay
And everything went very nice
Until a gay Soubrette
Came on and sang a “sassy” song
Then he began to fret
She begged of someone in the house
To give her a kiss
“B’ gosh!” said Rube, here is a chance
I’m not a-going to miss
He started for the stage
A while the audience did roar
‘Twas then they rushed him out again
And told him as before
Chorus
You’re not in Oskaloosa now
That lady is the leader’s “beau”
She doesn’t sing for fun
She warbles for the “mon”
And ’twas a “con” at you
That she did throw
Now if we ramble down the street
Some pretty girls you’re sure to meet
If they wink, ’tis but a “bluff”
So try and be the “stuff”
You’re not in Oskaloosa now
- “Well, I’ll be darned if I like this”
Said Ruben in a “huff”
“When I start in to go for fun
You always use me rough
“I’m going to hire a bed”
And to a big hotel they went
Where Reuben said unto the clerk
“Say, Mister, what’s the rent?”
Upon the register he saw
A Mr. Jones and wife
He wrote Rube Hayseed “and Valise”
In letters big as life
The clerk he read the entry
And he smiled a smiley smile
And then his friends said
“Ruben dear, remember for awhile”
Chorus
You’re not in Oskaloosa now
Instead you’re in a big hotel
Don’t register the grip
Or they’ll think you’re off your “dip”
And don’t to all the clerks your troubles tell
Now we must leave you for tonight
Be sure and don’t blow out the light
Hang your clothes upon the floor
Don’t forget to lock the door
You’re not in Oskaloosa now
- When he got home again
‘Twas plain that he’d been on a “toot”
And when he met Jeff Perkins
Why his face was full of soot
He says, “Well, I have seen
Most everything now, you can bet
But I don’t believe the pictures
In the durned “Police Gazette”
“I’ll tell you on the quiet
Don’t you let the secret slip
“I bought a solid brick of gold
And got it in my grip
I also saw a building
That was thirty stories high
But just before I left
I thought I heard somebody cry
Chorus
You’re not in Oskaloosa now
The place where you were bred and born
If the city makes you sick
Just go back home and stick
And roam among the fields of yellow corn
In the evening at the close of day
You can listen to the town band play
Every afternoon at two
You can watch the train go through
You’re not in Oskaloosa now
Sung here by Laurence Rubenstein: