When the Pigs Begin to Fly

A new tip-topical song, 1841
Words and music by John F. McArdle
Arranged by Henry Round

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The sheet music:

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Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:

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Accompaniment by Benjamin R. Tubb:

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Lyrics

1. I’ve got the gift of prophecy, as I will quickly show.
   The secrets of the future most infallibly I know;
   I’ll give you all a few straight tips, and I will prophecy,
   Of some strange things to happen, when the pigs begin to fly.

Chorus
When the pigs begin to fly,
O won’t the pork be high,
Though they are the most unlikely birds
That ever flew in the sky,
I see no reason why
They never should have a try
Much queerer things will come to pass
When the pigs begin to fly

2. Some folks they want cremation, and are very much perplexed
   Because they say they’d rather burn in this world than the next.
   They’re bound to make a ’ash of it, if they cremation try.
   They’ll settle this burning question when the pigs begin to fly

Chorus
When the pigs begin to fly,
O won’t the pork be high,
Though they are the most unlikely birds
That ever flew in the sky,
I see no reason why
They never should have a try
We’ll all adopt cremation
When the pigs begin to fly.

3. We hear a lot of women’s wrongs and also women’s rights,
   They want to wear the breeches, do the old and ugly frights,
   The rights they need are marriage rites, for Home­Rule they should try.
   We’ll send old maids to Parliament when the pigs begin to fly

Chorus
When the pigs begin to fly,
O won’t the pork be high,
Though they are the most unlikely birds
That ever flew in the sky,
I see no reason why
They never should have a try
Old spinsters will be ministers
When the pigs begin to fly

4. The force of folly and of fashion could no further go.
   You must confess that ladies’ dress at present is a show,
   With ruffs, puff, cuffs, and muffs, and stuffs dame Nature they defy,
   I do believe they’ll dress like Eve when the pigs begin to fly

Chorus
When the pigs begin to fly,
O won’t the pork be high,
Though they are the most unlikely birds
That ever flew in the sky,
I see no reason why
They never should have a try
They’ll only wear their natural hair
When the pigs begin to fly

5. A day will come when every belle will dress with simple taste;
   She won’t puff out her figure and screw in her dainty waist,
   High heels, low bodies, dress-improvers, chignons she’ll decry,
   Drop powder, puff, and all such stuff when the pigs begin to fly

Chorus
When the pigs begin to fly,
O won’t the pork be high,
Though they are the most unlikely birds
That ever flew in the sky,
I see no reason why
They never should have a try
Each female saint will never paint
When the pigs begin to fly

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Sung here by Laurence Rubenstein: