From the musical “The Band Wagon”, 1953.
Words by Howard Dietz.
Music by Arthur Schwartz.
The sheet music:
Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:
Lyrics
Three little unexpected children
Simultaneously the doctor brought us
And you can see that we’ll be three
Forever and aye (“Be-i-o”)
You wouldn’t know how agonizing being triple can be
Each one is individually the victim
Of the clinical day (“Be-i-o”)
Ev’ry summer we go away to Baden Baden Baden
Ev’ry winter we come back home to
Walla Walla (Walla)
Refrain
We do ev’rything alike
We look alike, we dress alike
We walk alike, we talk alike
And what is more we hate each other very much
We hate our folks, we’re sick of jokes
On what an art it is to tell us apart
If one of us gets the measles
Another one gets the measles
Then all of us gets the measles and mumps and croup
How I wish I had a gun, a little gun
It would be fun to shoot the other two and be only one
Patter
Missus Whiffle Poofer loves to talk to Missus Hildendorfer
Of the fatal natal day she had her silly Willie
Missus Hassencooper loves to talk to Missus Goldenwasser
Of her major operation when she had her twins
But when mother comes along, she silences the others
She accomplished something that is very rare in mothers
People who disparage marriage
Burdened with a baby carriage
Cater to the mater and her large perambulator
M G M has got a Leo, but mama has got a trio
She is proud, but says three is a crowd
Refrain
We do ev’rything alike
We look alike, we dress alike
We walk alike, we talk alike
And what is more we hate each other very much
We hate our folks, we’re sick of jokes
On what an art it is to tell us apart
We eat the same kind of vittels
We drink the same kind of bottles
We sit in the same kind of high chair (hi-chair, hi-chair)
How I wish I had a gun, a little gun
It would be fun to shoot the other two and be only one