From the film “Thank Your Lucky Stars”, 1943
Words by Frank Loesser
Music by Arthur Schwartz
The sheet music:
Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:
Lyrics
You marched away and left this town as empty as can be
I can’t sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me
For there is no secret lover
That the draft board didn’t discover
Refrain
They’re either too young or too old
They’re either too gray or too grassy green
The pickings are poor and the crop is lean
What’s good is in the Army
What’s left will never harm me
They’re either too old or too young
So, darling, you’ll never get stung
Tomorrow I’ll go hiking with that Eagle Scout unless
I get a call from grandpa for a snappy game of chess
I’m finding it easy to stay good as gold
They’re either too young or too old
Refrain
They’re either too warm or too cold
They’re either too fast or too fast asleep
So, darling, believe me, I’m yours to keep
They’re isn’t any gravy, the gravy’s in the Navy
They’re either too fresh or too stale
There is no available male
I will confess to one romance I’m sure you will allow
He tries to serenade me, but his voice is changing now
I’m finding it easy to keep things controlled
They’re either too young or too old
Refrain
They’re either too bald or too bold
I’m down to the wheelchair and bassinet
My heart just refuses to get upset
I simply can’t compel it to
With no Marines to tell it to
I’m either their first breath of spring
Or else, I’m their last little fling
I either get a fossil or an adolescent pup
I either have to hold him off or have to hold him up
The battle is on, but the fortress will hold
They’re either too young or too old
I’ll never, never fail ya
While you are in Australia
Or out in the Aleutians
Or off among the Rooshians
And flying over Egypt
Your heart will never be gypped
And when you get to India
I’ll still be what I’ve been to ya
I’ve looked the field over
And lo and behold
They’re either too young or too old