A popular song from 1902.
Words and music by Ed. Gardenier and Edwin S. Brill.
The sheet music:
Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:
Lyrics
- I confess when I left college
With a bunch of high class knowledge
My cranium was not its normal size
All the high degrees I’d won them all
The toughest problems done them
I simply thought the earth would be my prize
But I find my education
Didn’t seem to jar the nation
I find no streets named after me today
I meet folks without much learning
In a way beyond discerning
They’re teaching me new wrinkles every day
Chorus
There’s a lot of things you never learn at school
There’s a lot of things that never go by rule
There’s an awful lot of knowledge
That you never get at college
There’s a lot of things you never learn at school
- Tommy’s teacher told the story
Of George Washington’s young glory
Who chopped the tree and cried
“Oh, lie I can’t”
Tom thought George was a dandy
Next day an ax was handy
He took it and chopped down the Rubber plant
“Now who did this?” yelled his daddy
“It was I” replied the laddie
“Like Georges “Pop” embrace your truthful lad”
Cross his knee Tom’s papa pressed him
With a baseball bat caressed him
“Boy’s Pops have changed since Georgies time” said Dad - Although Doctors are prolific
With their knowledge scientific
A visit to our house they seldom take
For dearest old grandmother
Has a cure somehow or other
For every kind of ailment pain or ache
Now our little baby hollered
When a writing pen it swallowed
It filled us with six diff’rent kinds of fright
But Grandma just took a bottle
Poured some black ink down it’s throttle
It reach’d the pen and made the baby write - Our new cottage they’ve been painting
And one night I felt like fainting
When I gazed upon my Sunday pearl-grey pants
On those trousers bright and mellow
Spots of paint bright red and yellow
It really nearly put me in a trance
Till I read in next day’s paper
A small “ad” that seem’d the caper
The way to take out paint stains without doubt
Send a dime and learn the plan Sir
Well, I did and got this answer
Just take a scissors, cut the paint stains out
Sung here by Vancha March: