The Whole Dam Family

A popular song from 1905
Words by Geo. Totten Smith
Music by Albert Von Tilzer

The sheet music:

The-Whole-Dam-Family – Sheet MusicDownload

Accompaniment by Fred Feild:

The-Whole-Dam-Family – MIDIDownload

Lyrics

  1. Last summer, at a watering place
    A man named Dam I met
    Who entertained me with such grace
    Said I, “Now don’t forget
    Next winter, come and visit me”
    Said he, “That’s what I’ll do”
    And yesterday, that man arrived
    And brought some others, too

Chorus
There was Mister Dam and Mrs. Dam
The Dam kids, two or three
With U. B. Dam and I. B. Dam
And the whole Dam family

  1. My flat’s a stingy small affair
    Just built for two or three
    Since that Dam family landed there
    There is no room for me
    The rooms are full of different Dams
    Of every size and shape
    So with the Dam dog I must sleep
    Upon the fire-escape
  1. In Helen Dam I met my fate
    To old man Dam I said
    “Give me your daughter, I can’t wait
    We’re anxious to be wed”
    Said Dam, “I’ll give my child to you
    And very glad I am
    But you’ll support the family, too
    Or I don’t give a Dam”
  1. The Dams all came from Amsterdam
    Where opera is not sung
    And so they heard at Rotterdam
    The Gotterdamerung
    At Beaver Dam, they bought a farm
    Where they could take their ease
    Said Dam, “I’ll live here free from harm
    And do as I, Dam, please”
  1. My love affair with Helen D.
    It ended with a slam
    When Mr. Dam declared to me
    “You are not worth a Dam”
    Of course I lost my temper then
    And said, “I certainly
    Don’t give a Dam, when any man
    Don’t give a Dam for me”
  1. And then there was the biggest row
    You ever heard or saw
    Until, at last, I stopped somehow
    A Dam punch, with my jaw
    The floor came up and hit my face
    The knock-out thing for mine
    While every Dam one in the place
    Walked up and down my spine

Sung here by Vancha March: