The Secret Service

From the musical “Mr. President”, 1962
Words and music by Irving Berlin


The sheet music:


Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:


Lyrics

  1. The secret service makes me nervous
    When I am dating they are waiting to observe us
    When I get ready to hold steady for the kiss he’ll plant
    The secret service makes me nervous and I can’t
    They’re always spying, no denying
    They’re always peeping, gumshoe creeping, private eye-ing
    When I’m beginning to give-inning like a maiden aunt
    The secret service makes me nervous and I can’t
    I’ve been exposed beyond control
    Just like a goldfish in a bowl
    The President’s daughter must drink water
    No drink of Scotch
    She might do what she hadn’t oughter
    When I’m ignited, so excited that I start to pant
    The secret service makes me nervous
    When my lamps are lit and I say “This is it!”
    The secret service makes me nervous and I can’t
  2. The secret service makes me nervous
    Those White House “dicks”
    Get all their kicks when they observe us
    Just as I wind up, make my mind up not to say “I won’t”
    The secret service makes me nervous and I don’t
    When things look rosy they get nosy
    They’ll say, “There’s “tootsie” playing “footsie” very cosy”
    My pulse goes higher, I’m on fire, shaking at the knees
    The secret service makes me nervous and I freeze
    Whatever I may do or say
    Will be reported the next day
    When I’m reported, it’s distorted
    They don’t see clearly when I’m merely being courted
    When I’m just necking, simply pecking with a “Cary Grant”
    They stand behind me to remind me
    Who and what I am when I don’t give a damn
    The secret service makes me nervous and I can’t