A funny protest song from 1907
Words by Jeff T. Branen
Music by Evans Lloyd
Adapted by Bert Williams
The sheet music:
Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:
Lyrics
- George Washington so history says
Would never tell a lie;
I wish there were more Washingtons
I do, I hope to die.
When I was but a little boy
Somebody felt my head;
Says he “You’ll be a President some day”
That’s what he said.
CHORUS:
Somebody lied! Somebody lied, you see;
There never was a President
That ever resembled me.
Somebody lied, As plain as plain can be;
Somebody lied, As sure’s your’re born,
Somebody falsified to me.
- When first I started out in life
To be a President;
I got a livery stable job
That wasn’t worth a cent,
Somebody said, “There stands a mule
Go curry her for me;
Don’t be afraid of her hind legs
She’s gentle as can be.
CHORUS:
Somebody lied! Somebody lied, you see;
That mule just twisted in her stall
And handed me one that’s all.
Somebody lied, As plain as plain can be;
Somebody lied, As sure’s you’re born,
Somebody falsified to me.
(Additional verses also by Jeff T. Branen)
The day my brother Bill was born I never shall forget;
My mother said, “An Angel brought the darling little pet.”
The nurse said, “No, the doctor brought him, really, on the dead.”
But when I asked my dad, said he: “I found him in the shed.”
CHORUS:
Somebody lied! Somebody lied, you see;
I never could quite understand,
It sounded might queer to me;
‘Cause somebody lied — plain as A. B. C,
Somebody strayed from the righteous path,
Somebody falsified to me.
One day while I stood waiting
At the depot for my train,
A lady stepped right up to me
Her eyes were full of rain;
“Come, hold this bundle, won’t you please,”
I said, “Why, certainly.”
“I’ve got to buy a ticket
So I’ll be right back,” said she.
CHORUS:
Somebody lied! Somebody lied, you see;
That bundle it contained a kid
That yelled unmercifully.
Somebody lied, As plain as plain can be;
I missed my train, lost out with my wife,
Somebody falsified to me.
I went one night to sit up with my best friend, who was dead;
His wife, she left me all alone to watch beside his bed.
That night when all was dark and still, a form stole through the door,
I near dropped dead when someone said, “He’s gone forevermore.”
CHORUS:
Somebody lied! Somebody lied, you see;
My friend, he rose right up in bed,
“Give me some gin,” said he.
Somebody lied, As plain as plain can be;
My dead friend was dead drunk, that’s all;
Somebody falsified to me.
My dad once said that Shakespeare said: “There’s nothing in a name.”
And later on I told my dad, I really thought the same,
Until I stopped an Irishman upon the street one day
And said, “just kindly step aside you dog-gone A. P. A.”
CHORUS:
Somebody lied! Somebody lied, you see;
I dont’ intend to tell you what
That Irishman did to me,
Somebody lied — Plain as plain can be,
Somebody lied — as sure’s you’re born,
Somebody falsified to me.
I hired a boat one time and took a stranger for a row —
A mile from shore our boat went down, the wind did howl and blow,
I had a life preserver, but the stranger yelled: “that’s mine!
When I get back to shore” says he, “I’ll throw you out a line.”
CHORUS:
Somebody lied! Somebody lied, to me,
I would have drowned but I held my breath
And floated to shore, you see,
Somebody lied — as plain as plain can be,
Somebody lied — as sure’s you’re born,
Somebody falsified to me