A popular song from 1925
Words by Jules Von Tilzer and Arthur Terker
Music by Billy Heagney
The sheet music:
Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:
Lyrics
- I’m goin’ to sing a song to you
It’s not a song of love
There’s not a word that speaks of mush
And none ’bout stars above
We’ve had enough of songs like that
I’m sure you will agree
So here’s the thing I’m goin’ to sing
It’s foolish as can be
Chorus
A chorus girl hates anyone
To ask her out to eat (Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
Pardon me (Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha) while I laugh
A Scotsman is the first one
Who will volunteer to treat (Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
Pardon me (Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha) while I laugh
The chauffeurs and the traffic cops
They get along so fine
And all the chauffeurs think
The coppers really are divine
The coppers throw them kisses
When they pass before it’s time
Pardon me (Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha) while I laugh
- In every song you’ve ever heard
There’s been a second verse
I tried to write one for this thing
But it got worse and worse
I worked on it all Summer
Through, the Winter, Spring and Fall
And then I said, “I will not write
A second verse at all”
Chorus
Today food is much cheaper
Than it was before the war (Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
Pardon me (Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha) while I laugh
The Landlords have reduced the rents
They won’t raise any more (Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha)
Pardon me (Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha) while I laugh
Each fellow and his sweetie
When they plan to wed today
Keep nothing from each other
They just give themselves away
They mean it when they promise
To love, honor and obey
Pardon me (Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha) while I laugh
Chorus
The alcohol sold nowadays is for external use
Hah-hah-hah-hah, pardon me, hah-hah-hah, while I laugh
The fat girls should eat candy, it’s the best way to reduce
Hah-hah-hah-hah, pardon me, hah-hah-hah, while I laugh
The first child of a married couple brings them great delight
But when they wanta get some sleep, it cries with all it’s might
Then hubby says, “You stay in bed, I’ll walk with him all night”
(Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha) Pardon me while I laugh
Chorus
The nuts let loose in Ford cars never occupy a seat
Hah-hah-hah-hah, pardon me, hah-hah-hah while I laugh
They’re putting fans in phone booths now, so we won’t feel the heat
Hah-hah-hah-hah, pardon me, hah-hah-hah, while I laugh
The Chinese run chop-suey places that are so unique
And if you want spaghetti, the Italians you should seek
I never yet have found a restaurant run by a Greek
(Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha) Pardon me while I laugh
Chorus
The girlies nowadays just love to sit at home and sew
Hah-hah-hah-hah, pardon me, hah-hah-hah, while I laugh
They never ride in taxis and they hate to see a show
Hah-hah-hah-hah, pardon me, hah-hah-hah, while I laugh
The girlies wear their dresses short, it’s all the rage today
They know it don’t attract the men
That’s what you’ll hear them say
And when they step upon a car
Men look the other way
(Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha) Pardon me while I laugh
[ more choruses on the sheet music ]
Sung here by Laurence Rubenstein: