No One Could Do It Like My Father

A popular song from 1909
Words by Irving Berlin
Music by Ted Snyder


The sheet music:


Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:


Lyrics

  1. I hate to brag about my fam’ly but I must say that
    My father is the greatest man who ever wore a hat
    He always took things easy in an easy sort of way
    And when it came to taking things, just kindly let me say

Chorus
No one could do it like my father!
Ever clever, stunning, cunning father!
Other men might do the same
But when it came to make a name
No one could do it like my dad!

  1. At keeping servant girls, my father always was an ace!
    He had a certain way to keep the ladies in their place
    Their place was in the kitchen and his place to keep them there
    I don’t know how he did it but I really must declare

[2nd chorus:]
No one could do it like my father
Ever clever, stunning, cunning father
Servants liked the cops, of course
So father joined the police force
No one could do it like my dad

  1. One night papa went in to see that great Salome dance
    You talk about attention, say! he gave her ev’ry glance
    He has my mother dancing now, her brain is in a whirl
    And only here last week he came home with a string of pearls

[3rd chorus:]
No one could do it like my father
Ever clever, stunning, cunning father
Now he always stays at home
Mama has learned that dance Salome
No one could do it like my dad

  1. My mother weighs three hundred pounds but don’t give it away
    She bought a brand new sheath gown and she wore it yesterday
    My father showed his dignity when mother showed her sock
    Then just to make the two ends meet he used a big padlock

[4th chorus:]
No one could do it like my father
Ever clever, stunning, cunning father
Neighbor Jones and his neighbor Lee
Are hunting for my father’s key
And no one could do it like my dad

  1. I haven’t told you how my father and my mother wed
    She was an old maid, he a burglar underneath her bed
    She flashed a gun at father and said, “I must be your wife”
    My father wears a medal now for saving someone’s life

[5th chorus:]
No one could do it like my father
Ever clever, stunning, cunning father
Mother thinks a lot of pa
But father drinks to think of ma
And no one could do it like my dad

  1. The other night when pa came home, he found to his surprise
    The iceman and my mother on the sofa making eyes
    He did not get excited, no! not one word did he say
    But when the iceman’s bill came due, papa refused to pay

[6th chorus:]
No one could do it like my father
Ever clever, stunning, cunning father
Father proved he was no slouch
He fooled them all when he sold the couch
And no one could do it like my dad

  1. When father went to school they tell me he was very bad
    They also say he had a purpose to make teacher mad
    She’d make him stay in after school and pa would ne’er refuse
    For when it came to helping teacher tie her dainty shoes:

[7th chorus:]
No one could do it like my father
Ever clever, stunning, cunning father
Teacher knew a thing or two
She always wore a low cut shoe
No one could do it like my dad

  1. We lived right by a railway station not so far from here
    And father would make faces at the passing engineers
    They’d all throw coal at father, yes they would upon my soul
    And when the winter came around we never needed coal

[8th chorus:]
No one could do it like my father
Ever clever, stunning, cunning father
First he got coal one by one
And now he sells it by the ton
And no one could do it like my dad

  1. Around election time my father never knows his name
    Sometimes it’s Breen, or Smith, or Green, Gilhouley or McShane
    Then other times it’s Harrigan, O’Connor, or O’Dell
    They ought to call him “Winchester” ’cause he repeats so well

[9th chorus:]
No one could do it like my father
Ever clever, stunning, cunning father
When you see him change his coat
You know that means another vote
And no one could do it like my dad


Sung here by Laurence Rubenstein: