Dedicated to the gang, 1890.
words and music by M. F. Carey
The sheet music:
Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:
Lyrics
- Clarence McFadden he wanted to waltz
But his feet wasn’t gaited that way
So he saw a professor and stated his case
And said he was willing to pay
The professor looked down in alarm at his feet
As he viewed their enormous expanse
And he tacked on a five to his regular price
For learning McFadden to dance
Chorus
One, two, three, balance like me
You’re quite a fairy, but you have your faults
While your left foot is lazy your right foot is crazy
But don’t be unaisy, I’ll learn you to waltz
- He took out McFadden before the whole class
And he showed him the step once or twice
But McFadden’s two feet got tied into a knot
Sure he thought he was standing on ice
At last he broke loose and struck out with a will
Never looking behind or before
But his head got so dizzy he fell on his face
And chewed all the wax off the floor - McFadden soon got the step into his head
But it wouldn’t go into his feet
He hummed “La Gitana” from morning till night
And he counted his steps on the street
One night he went home to his room to retire
After painting the town a bright red
Sure he dreamt he was waltzing and let out his feet
And he kicked the dash-board off the bed - When Clarence had practiced the step for a while
Sure he thought that he had it down fine
He went to a girl and he asked her to dance
And he wheeled her out into the line
He walked on her feet, and he fractured her toes
And he said that her movement was false
Sure the poor girl went round for two weeks on a crutch
For learning McFadden to waltz
Sung here by Fred Feild: