From the musical “Joan of Arkansaw”, 1920.
Words by Oscar Hammerstein II.
Music by Herbert Stothart.
The sheet music:
Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:
Lyrics
- When I was but a stripling
I agreed with Mister Kipling
That the female was by far the deadlier sex
Approach’d them with timidity
Afraid of their frigidity
They seemed incomprehensibly complex
I learned what words in Cupid’s dictionary meant
But even that did not improve my “rep”
Then I grew bold and started to experiment
And now I know that what they want is “pep”
Refrain
I never miss, I never miss
I’ve a system that is sure
Ev’ry girlie seeks adventure
Tho her manner be demure
I never try the mournful eye
Or a plea for just a kiss
I just take it and they like it
I never miss, I never, never, never miss
- I took a trip to Sweden
Which you know is just an Eden
Filled with beauties of the tall and stately type
I chanced to meet a pretty one
Her eyes were like the midnight sun
Her hair was fair, her cheeks like apples ripe
I told her I was captain in the navy an’
Some other lies, I write all my own stuff
My copyrights include the Scandinavian
In ev’ry country they like treatment rough
Refrain
I never miss, I never miss
So with confidence and ease
I embraced this pretty maiden
Without even saying, “please”
I stole a kiss, I stole a kiss
Then she struck out with her fist
She was young and strong and Swedish
I’m glad she missed
I’m awful, awful glad she missed
Sung here by Vancha March: