a 1909 popular song
words and music by Edward Laska
The sheet music:
Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:
Lyrics
- I’m so particular, so very hard to please
I’ve had fellows by the score
Turned down eighty six or more
Oh, my dear, I am an awful tease
Taking any man is risky
If he turns out to be frisky
All your married life
Will be an everlasting row
Every one that I rejected
ad some fault that I objected
That’s the reason I am single now
Chorus
Because I don’t like a man with a mustache
I don’t like a man who wears a beard
I’m not very fond of the Percy colored blond
And baldhead men I’ve always feared
I don’t like to spoon with a fat man
And old men are all such beastly bores
But there’s one, the worst of all that I object to
And that is a man who snores
- I never knew a man
That I could call my style
Met one once in Kankakee
He looked mighty good to me
Gee, and he had money by the mile
Called for me once in a carriage
Started in suggesting marriage
Said he’d move and build a home
For me down in New York
Just as he was getting spooney
Talking mush and acting looney
I found out his leg was made of cork
Chorus
Well, now I don’t like a man with a cork leg
I don’t like them when their teeth are false
I don’t like them old and I never like them bold
In fact, as a class they’re full of faults
I don’t like the hug of a thin man
I don’t like a fellow very small
Though it’s better, people say
To love a short man
Than never to love a tall
- I’ve turned down many men
The biggest in the land
All those millionaires, I’ve fooled
I refused to marry Gould
Carnegie once asked me for my hand
I’ve got letters home from “Eddy”
King of England, one from Teddy
I’ve got one proposal letter Kaiser William wrote
I would never take Caruso
Lots of girls I know would do so
Just because he is a man of note
Chorus
I’d never take Dr. Munyon or Jeffries
John Drew never made a hit with me
I like Hammerstein, as a friend he’s simply fine
But he isn’t my affinity
There’s only one thing I object to
In John Rockefeller, that’s his hair
But he could buy a little bunch from Paderewski
For he as a few to spare
- Men are peculiar things
The more of them you see
Saw one in a bathing suit
He looked anything but cute
Bow-legged men don’t make a hit with me
I don’t like them too romantic
That would drive me nearly frantic
On a sentimental man I’d never take a chance
and should I become a Mrs
Though my man will buy me dresses
You can bet I’m gong to wear the— vest
Chorus
And then I won’t take him if he’s a doctor
Not even if I had chronic gout
No broker need come
While the market’s on the bum
No actor who says, “My lord’s without”
I’d not be the wife of a lawyer
In fights you have never got a show
Of them all I think a baker is the best man
For he is a man with dough
Sung here by Vancha March: