He Goes To Church On Sunday

From the musical “The Orchid” 1907
Words by Vincent Bryan
Music by E. Ray Goetz

The sheet music:

He-Goes-To-Church-On-Sunday – Sheet MusicDownload

Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:

He_Goes_To_Church_On_Sunday – MIDIDownload

Lyrics

  1. I know a very wicked man
    I knew him when a lad
    I never met his equal telling lies
    And though he takes delight
    In doing everything that’s bad
    He thinks he’ll go to heaven when he dies
    When but a child he robbed
    His dear old grandma in her sleep
    He stole two golden teeth out of her jaws
    He’s been a kleptomaniac since he began to creep
    But the neighbors think that he’s all right because

Chorus
He goes to church on Sunday
He passes round the Contribution box
But meet him in the office on a Monday
He’s as crooked and as cunning as a fox
On Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday
Friday, Saturday
He’s robbing everybody that he can
But he goes to church on Sunday
So they say that he’s an honest man

  1. All through the week, this wicked man
    Is fond of drinking deep
    He makes his family wish that they were dead
    He gives his kids a penny each
    To make them go to sleep
    And then he robs them when they go to bed
    They wake up in the morning
    And they look round for the cent
    Then in a crying chorus they all join
    Then papa scolds the kids
    And asks them where the money went
    And he spanks them all
    Because they lost the coin, and

3. I always thought my family doctor
Honest as could be
Until I had a pain the other day
He said, “You have appendicitis I can plainly see
You need an operation right away”
He charged three hundred dollars for that operation
Then he found I only had a stomach ache
He left his scissors in me
When he sewed me up again
Then he went and marked me
“Opened by mistake,” and

4. I’ve lost my faith in lawyers, too
There’s one a friend of mine
I thought that he was honest and O. K.
I asked him once if he supposed
The weather would be fine
He anwered, “No, it’s sure to rain today”
Next day I got a note which read
“I’ve sent my bill to you
Ten dollars for opinion on the rain
I wouldn’t pay, he sued me
And he got a judgement, too
I was busted
So he took my watch and chain.” and

Sung here by Laurence Rubenstein: