From the 1912 musical comedy “Oh! Oh! Delphine”.
Words by C. M. S. McLellan.
Music by Ivan Caryll.
The sheet music:
Accompaniment by James Pitt-Payne:
Lyrics
- When I come home each night to dine
The housemaid lets me in
She has a nature saturnine
And wears a dreadful grin
I says to her, “Suzette, my girl
Is Madame in her room?”
She pauses to arrange a curl
And watch my growing gloom
For housemaids view with fiendish glee
A husband’s secret woe
Mine always rubs it into me
“Is Madame in, oh no!”
Here’s your house
With “Welcome” on the mat
Here’s the dog, the parrot and the cat
There’s the granpa’s clock
In the corner of the hall
And the parquet floor
To catch you when you fall
There’s bill on the table by the door
There’s the cook, (crash)
The soup is on the floor
All the sights and sounds
Of a happy married life
But not your wife! No, not your wife!
Everything’s at home except your wife
- My wife leaves home in time each day
To lunch at some hotel
She likes a cheerful matinee
And shops a bit as well
The things she buys reach home
As I return from toil at night
The housemaid has them piled up high
To greet my fevered sight
And as with hope forever strong
I murmur, “Is she here?”
She starts the old familiar song
“What! Madame home? no fear!”
Here’s some hats
I think I’ve counted eight
For his pay the messenger will wait
In the big green box
You perhaps have taken note
There’s an ermine muff
And new chinchilla coat
Here’s some gloves
You couldn’t count the pairs
Take a look
At the boxes up the stairs
You will find up there
What’ll keep you “broke” for life
But not your wife! No not your wife!
Everything’s come home except your wife
Sung here by Vancha March: